Raising Goddesses, not princesses

Good afternoon beautiful souls! I want to discuss something today that I found very interesting and should be acknowledged. It deviates slightly from my normal, metaphysical posts- but it’s a beautiful understanding I recently came to. The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, Manny, and we came to an interesting subject while discussing our children. The topic came onto Disney movies, talking about which were our favorites, which were our kids favorites. I threw out how much I loved the princesses (naturally!), how all of our girls loved the princesses.  And it seems we came to a grim conclusion at the same time: how these fairy tale stories really disappoint us when we become adults, and the impact it has on us when we don’t even realize it.

The conversation swung back and forth between the movies and marriage. We began to see an interconnecting between the two. It dawned on us as we were discussing marriage, and mistakes, and those inevitable wounds and hurts you feel in a relationship. We started out discussing making mistakes, and how in a marriage, those mistakes tend to make you grow stronger. When the one who bestows the hurt wakes up and learns from the betrayal or hurt they caused the other person in the relationship, and there is a mutual respect from both parties throughout the learning process, how beautiful and strong a relationship can grow.

71edf63a4d6a325d7482647e06365405I’m no stranger to the hurts of marriage. I was married once before my current marriage to my husband, and he, too, was married once before. Little history on myself: I was married my first time at 18. Oh, yes, of course I thought I knew everything at that age, right? And I won’t air all that beautiful, dirty laundry out of respect for the
man I was once married to, but I will share a fault of mine. I wanted that picture-perfect, fairy tale marriage. I was only eighteen, after all. We spent years in a back and forth struggle between the two of us. I wanted everything perfect, I refused to accept mistakes, there was no learning curve- it had to be perfect from the beginning. That’s what all those beautiful Disney movies taught me, right? I deserved the prince- and if my real life deviated from that, that’s unacceptable. I remember countless times, my husband at the time telling me “Danielle, this isn’t a fairy tale and you will never have that fairy tale. This is real life.” I was so naive and childish to think that was how life was. I will say, the man I was once married to and I would have never worked out regardless, and thankfully out of that came two, beautiful daughters that I can pass my life lessons on to.

So, I am in my second marriage. And I can tell you, it hasn’t been picture perfect. There have been countless mistakes ranging from small, to very hurtful, on both ends. And we are in the middle of our learning curve, paving our way to that stronger marriage that only hurt can provide. You don’t throw things away the minute there is damage done. You repair, and mend with care. You take the time, you put in the effort. Without those mistakes and lessons, how much can you really, truly know someone? How can you know how much you love someone without them testing that love? Life isn’t a fairy tale- we aren’t princesses waiting to be found by a man who will never disappoint us. The thing is, though, girls (and boys!) are growing up believing still that is how relationships work. I think it’s important to teach kids the truth about life, rather than shield them from it behind these movies that are unrealistic. They will only grow up unequipped on how to handle what life actually throws them. We should raises goddesses, not princesses.

After all, in Japan, “broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to it’s beauty. Consider this when you feel broken.”


Love and Light.

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